


so, mr de winter has forgotten

by danihi



Series: my allegiance belongs to mrs de winter [3]
Category: Rebecca - Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca - Levay/Kunze
Genre: Angst, Another one to the pile, Cheating, F/F, Idk if it is dubcon since like their entire relationship is, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Jealousy, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sexually Frustrated, kinda based on the pretense that they're there to fuck each other yknow, like they go in search of each other to smash yo, so better safe than sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:27:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25109977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danihi/pseuds/danihi
Summary: Left all alone on what should have been a special night, the new Mrs de Winter struggles to keep herself together in spite of all the signs of her deteriorating marriage. The growing anger she has towards Maxim has nowhere else to go but towards one person, and one person alone.
Relationships: Mrs. Danvers/Ich, Mrs. Danvers/Narrator, Narrator (Rebecca)/Mrs. Danvers (Rebecca)
Series: my allegiance belongs to mrs de winter [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818586
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	so, mr de winter has forgotten

“I just thought… we were spending the day together.” I shifted uncomfortably as he stood there underneath the arch of the double doors; the entrance to Manderley.

“For whatever reason did you think that?” he said almost annoyed, fondling the car keys in a jittery manner, “Look, they need me up in London urgently, it’s a matter of great importance. I promise I’ll walk you down Happy Valley some other time.”

He talked to me like I was some pet nipping at the hem of his pants begging him to stay. I dropped my head low as he pulled out and onto the driveway feeling a strange sense of betrayal. The rest of the afternoon was spent restless; I didn’t have the energy to go out for a walk but too much anxiety to sit still and read. Eventually the sun did dip under the horizon, but without the heat of its light I felt myself cold and ghostly. I paced up and down my bedroom before I worked up the courage to go to his.

The room itself was almost bare like no one had ever used it—though not entirely untrue. He did spend most of his time up in London tending to much more pressing matters than some unimportant wedding anniversary. I bit my lip and fingered the gold band that had supposedly tied us together. Whatever union we were meant to share, I felt nothing of it. Perhaps, even under the pretense that I was his beloved wife, that I was indeed a secretary and nothing more. A dark emotion rippled throughout my body and the metal at my finger seemed to grow hot and burn. I ripped it off and threw it onto the ground. It hit the floor with a bright clink, bouncing a few times before it settled under the bed. Hot tears sprang to my eyes and I stood there a moment before realising what I had done.

I scrambled under the bed to retrieve it. I sat there on the ground and laid my head to rest on the edge of the bed. My tears fell slowly and made damp the fabric, but I could care less. If I could somehow mark this room with myself then maybe, I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to throw away my ring. I looked at it. In the darkening afternoon it looked dull, grey and cold. I set it on the floor and put my arm over my eyes. I wished I could stop crying over and over from such silly disputes. He had people depending on him, and who was I to keep him from that, there would be more wedding anniversaries, ones we could spend together.

“Mrs de Winter.”

I sat up sharply and had woken myself right before I drifted into sleep. Before me was the hem of a dress, the tips of shoes barely poking out from underneath. I looked up and Mrs Danvers towered over me before she came down to my level until we were almost eye to eye.

“You will catch a cold if you stay on the ground any longer.”

“Who cares if I will?” I murmured not expecting an answer.

“Mr de Winter, of course.” I scoffed without meaning to, but I was tired, my emotions getting the better of me.

Her eyes flickered down the rest of my body until she noticed the ring on the floor. I’d forgotten and went to grab it but she was faster than I. Her eyes questioned me, and I looked away in shame. She grabbed a handful of her dress and rubbed the ring of dust, then, she held out her hand for me to take. I was confused at this gesture but rest my own in hers. She rubbed the back of it gently before positioning it so that with her other she could slide the ring back on. That gesture was meant to be reserved between me and my husband; only he could do that and yet, here Mrs Danvers was. I wanted to laugh but felt no strength to do so. She kept holding onto my hand long after she had finished putting it on, despite what I had presumed her fingers were surprisingly warm. I looked at her and she met my gaze.

“So, Mr de Winter has forgotten about your—”

“Shut up, Mrs Danvers.” I hissed at her. I didn’t know where that anger came from. I had come into this room for comfort but still there was none to be found even now that she was here. Tears pricked at my eyes and I blinked profusely to stop them from forming. Her voice was always quiet, soft and monotonous outside of our façade as mistress and housekeeper, but I knew she revelled easily in my hurt. I wanted to do something so terrible to her.

She had said to me that night where everything had started that her allegiance was to Mrs de Winter—that she wasn’t against me—and I had taken that as an unlikely truce but in moments like this where my heart was laid so inexplicably bare, she looked at me like she would still laugh at how utterly pitiful I was.

Anger bloomed in my heart; I didn’t want this, not tonight. I stood up to go and walked a couple of steps until she grabbed my arm, stopping me before I could reach the door if I had a few steps more.

“Madam—”

“You’re just as pitiful as me!”

I shoved her onto the bed. Power surging through my body, I felt hate, and anger, and sorrow, and guilt, and I wanted to collapse onto her and let her hold me the way I so desperately wanted Maxim to. But I was tired of her—of all of them, every single person at Manderley—just laughing at me. I pushed her dress up and her undergarments down and plunged my tongue inside her. I felt her body twitch at the sudden touch, her thighs squeezed the sides of my face before relaxing a few moments later. I pressed the pad of my tongue flat against her before licking up sharply. I heard her suck in a breath and her body tense once more, she grabbed my hair, pulling at the scalp. The pain began to throb as her breath became more ragged. I was tired of it and I pulled away, ripping her hands from my head. She looked at me unsure of what I was to do next and almost yelped as I shoved two strong fingers inside her dripping heat.

I slid my fingers fast, pumping mercilessly. I wanted her to feel pleasure equal to the disappoint and hurt I had been brewing in. She panted louder and then I heard her begin to moan it, and though she stopped herself in time, I knew that she was going to say that woman’s name. The pounding in my heart became thunderous and I worked faster inside her. I grit my teeth to stop myself from crying. In the end, they were both using me to fill the Rebecca shaped hole in their lives, and, like the desperate thing I was, I let them use me to their heart’s content.

What me and Mrs Danvers had was not love, but still, that twinge of jealousy remained, and I wondered if little by little I had started to want her affection too.

She grabbed my arm and my shoulder; I felt her body rocking itself harder and harder against my own, her ribs pushing up into her skin with every breath, so much so that I could see the dips in between. I took her lips with mine and plunged my fingers as deep as they could go and I felt her stomach arch upwards, her nails digging deep into my flesh. She ripped her mouth away to gasp for air.

I watched her slowly release her tension until her breathing was a normal pace. I withdrew my hand from her, wiping it onto the bed, letting it mark Maxim’s covers, and removed myself from the affair. She sat up curious to my sudden cold demeanour, arching an eyebrow upwards, but there was no explanation I owed to her. I was tired of always having to justify my existence, my desires, and to admit it in words to Mrs Danvers of all people was not something I could handle right at this moment. I slipped out of Maxim’s room, letting my hair fall to cover my face in order to shield my pathetic tears from anyone I should meet retreating to my own room.

I wished Mrs Danvers would not attach reason to me nor my actions, that way, I could stop myself from feeling guilt at every secret meeting we had, and that it would not reveal how incredibly lonely I was. But, even then, I couldn’t even fault her for it, the only person I had to blame was myself. How foolish to think, even after Mrs Van Hoppers warnings, that I could be happy here, or with Maxim.

Even through his anger I dreamed that I’d be his perfect wife, that I could calm him and release him from the hate that plagued him so. But I was a little fool. I did not doubt that his trip to London was to meet someone else, someone more fashionable—beautiful—than I, and even then, I did not care. So long as he returned to me, I could bear it all. But in the little moments of calm, having tea alone and listening to the sea, more than ever I longed to rather travel as a companion, without friend or family, just the changing landscape and the inconsequential faces of strangers that made me feel less of a shadow.

**Author's Note:**

> Ich is just projecting so hard at this point LMAO
> 
> But yeah just smashing these out huh, in keeping with my theme here is more bottom!Danny, and Ich being so repressed she blows up bc the girl really needs to go apeshit once in a while. I feel like this needs more build up before she explodes but ehhh I just wanna get to finishing that other 7k+ danvich fic already.


End file.
